The Wisdom We’ve Gleaned
When we go soooooo far in and down, there is wisdom inherent in the deep-dive. Sure, there is a whopping pile of emotions that we need to sit with, which can feel hard and overwhelming.
There is wisdom.
In my experience, the deepest wisdom lies all tangled up in all the things we are afraid to approach. If we do decide to approach it, then we are afraid to give it voice.
Often, this whole process of accessing and activating our deepest wisdom is tied up in shame.
You know, like all the things we are afraid to say out loud because others will judge us. (We think).
Or the things we are afraid to even contemplate because we judge ourselves.
So we keep our wisdom all jumbled up and shoved down because we are afraid to look at it the places it resides.
I know how this goes, intimately.
We don’t have to name it to a group, or anyone, in order to claim it. Witnessing through another’s soft gaze is an AMAZING way to bust through shame. But, sometimes we aren’t ready for that … and that is totally okay.
We only need to give it voice, in any form.
It will just grow, like an abscess, if we don’t. It will come out sideways. Make us sick. Block our life force. Keep us in shackles.
Until we give it voice.
There are so many things I cannot say. I cannot say them because they involve other people, and I find this so frustrating! Can you relate? I’m an open book, and would find solace in the open sharing of these stories. These experiences I cannot give voice to are so vital to this story. I feel like they are an elephant in the room. And yet … I cannot share. But it feels like there is duct tape over my mouth and my throat. It’s not a nice feeling.
I am finding ways to implant my voice into my expressive process ... and my general process as a human being. I’m talking to my close friends. Telling the story in voice memos on my phone that I delete afterward. Writing it in a journal, in letters to my daughter.
But mostly I’m spending time really feeling the things that have gone way underground, embedded into all the dark places I shove stuff into. I don’t want it hanging out in there anymore … I can feel that it holds me down, silences me, and literally breaks my life force.
Just because I cannot name the things because of the people …
… Does not mean I need to suffer. Miss out on my own wisdom. Live a snuffed-out life.
I will do it in my own way. Through symbols, metaphor, and other methods that will never see the light of day, so to speak.
What you can do
What about all of the things you haven’t said?
Or maybe even collage them.
You can burn them afterward.
You can tear them up and use them in your work.
Articulate them in your own rich symbology, or your metaphoric meanderings.
Use some of the techniques you love to make ephemera with them.
Bury them in the garden.
Throw them into the sea.
You don’t have to hold on to these things anymore.
You just don’t.
I returned to my journal again, and encountered a strong sense of my dislike for paint right now! LOL :)
I am still naturally expressing the history of the Czech people, and the tangle surrounding the story of the assassination of Heydrich. I am going with that flow, because one thing I never, ever advocate in my art (or anyone else’s!) is to push things out of the energy they are currently in.
And, I am truly encountering deep tunnels within myself that I am accessing through the stories of history.
muse ::: robert Rauschenberg
If you want to be inspired to the moon and back, watch this documentary.
It is long, but it is well worth your time.
That is all :)
(I freaking love this man).